


Deserve

by BehindTheRobinsMask



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 11:49:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18010391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindTheRobinsMask/pseuds/BehindTheRobinsMask
Summary: Dick was sure of one thing: He didn't deserve Jason.





	Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> Song recommendation - Don't Deserve You by Plumb

Dick stared at the silver band on his ring finger, still dressed in his uniform from his day job as a cop. He should have left for patrol hours ago but today, his legs felt heavy and he could barely pull himself into his apartment, making it no further than the couch. His mind was a mess of doubts and questions he couldn’t ignore, a mess that even flying couldn’t make him forget. The clear blue sky seemed unreachable, his wings chained to the ground by the weight of a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep.

As a child, every time he saw his parents together, all he wanted was a love like theirs. He dreamed of the day when someone would look at him and see their whole world, they’d see the man he truly was and love him unconditionally, without judgment or doubt. He yearned to be consumed by passion, to forget the darkness that lingered in the back of his mind as he was held in warm arms. He wanted so much and even though every partner he had been with had strived to give him everything he desired, it was never enough. In the end, he was always left behind.

And then, he came along, Jason Todd.

_“It doesn’t matter how far I run away or who I’m with, at the end of it all, you’ll always be the one I come back to.”_

Jason was the anger that thrummed under his veins, the desire that he forced himself to ignore for years, the shades of grey that defiled a world that was only meant to be painted in black and white. He was everything that Dick couldn’t understand but everything he needed.

If his fingers were rough, hands calloused, his touch was gentle. With the lips he threatened the world, with those lips he kissed like it was the last time, pouring out all his feelings and hiding nothing. Anger might have defined him but love, it made him who he was, strong, sharp and a man with a heart of gold, one who didn’t shy away from doing what he thought was right and one who cared unconditionally.

How many times had he left Dick breathless and craving for more? How many times had he reduced the older into a mess of tears with praises no one had ever dared speak to him?

No one would ever expect it, no one would ever believe it but Jason was a hopeless romantic at heart, loving Dick like no one else existed, like it was his purpose. And Dick? He could want nothing more than to lie next to him every night and wake up to his face so when Jason got on his knee and asked the older to marry him, the answer was a yes.

Dick had been so happy, flying like a bird unchained. But slowly, darkness seeped into his mind, burdening his shoulder with doubts he couldn’t shake. Jason was everything he had dreamed of but was he everything the younger needed? Could he give him the happiness he deserved and not run away? This wasn’t Dick’s first time being engaged, it wouldn’t be the first time he was left behind. He had known this back when his first engagement ended and he knew it now, there was something wrong with him and someday, Jason would see it too.

_“You think that someday I’ll wake up and realize that you’re not as perfect as everyone thinks you are. You think I’ll walk away but what you don’t understand is that I’ve always seen you for who you really are, Dickie and I love you because of that.”_

A small voice in the back of his head whispered to him, urged him to run to a place where no one knew his name, a place where he would never be found. He didn’t deserve this happiness. He didn’t deserve the man he was with. Tracing the silver band, Dick contemplated pulling it off. It would be so easy to place it on the table and walk away before he was left behind.

But just as the thought crossed his mind, the window leading to the fire escape opened and Jason stepped in. Taking off his helmet, he stared at Dick and then his eyes moved to the ring on his finger. “Everything okay?” he asked, voice gentle and soothing.

That small voice returned, stronger than ever, screaming at Dick to end things now but as Jason sat down next to him and pressed a soft kiss on his lips, nothing else seemed to matter. Snuggling close to his fiancé and pushing away every single thought, Dick sighed and shook his head. “Just had a long day at work.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Dick shook his head, eyes closed as Jason massaged his scalp. “No. I’ll be fine,” he whispered and that was the truth.

 

 

Jason shifted Dick into his lap as they kissed, wet and sloppy, fingers digging into each other’s skin, hard enough to leave bruises. “So beautiful,” he whispered as his cock pushed into the tight muscle, making Dick cry out. “So perfect.” He continued until he was completely inside.

“Jay… Jay please,” Dick whispered, clinging to the younger’s shoulder as if he was the only thing keeping him grounded.

With a snap of his hips, Jason started moving, setting a brutal pace that turned the acrobat into a whimpering mess. “I got you. I got you,” he assured as he kissed away the tears slipping from Dick’s eyes.

While Jason sang praises into his fiancé’s ears, all Dick could do was chant the younger’s name like a prayer, over and over, feeling nothing but pleasure thrumming through his body. There was a time when he would bite his lips so he wouldn’t make any sounds, embarrassed by what he might say in the throes of passion but Jason had coaxed Dick out of his shell by reminding him how much he loved hearing him.

_“You have nothing to be ashamed of, not in front of me. Don’t for a second doubt that I won’t love every part of you so no hiding. Okay, Dickie?”_

“Kiss me, please,” Dick cried, leaning in closer and Jason smiled.

“Anything you want.”

Their lips met just as a hand wrapped around Dick’s neglected cock, pleasure shooting through him and within a few strokes, he came undone, Jason following suit soon after as the older clenched down around him.

Soon Jason was pulling out and all Dick could do was lie in bed and catch his breath, coming down from his high while the younger cleaned them both up. Warm arms surrounded him, gentle kisses pressed across his shoulders as Jason whispered praises in his ears, treating him like he was the best thing in the world and Dick couldn’t understand why.

Why did Jason treat him like he was precious, give him everything he wanted and still act as though Dick was the one keeping them together? He didn’t deserve this. He just didn’t deserve this.

“You feeling okay?” Jason asked, stroking Dick’s hair and pressing a light kiss on his neck.

Taking in a shaky breath, Dick kissed the younger’s arm, smiling against his skin. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m just remembering how lucky I am.”

“You’re such a sap, Dickie.” Jason chuckled and Dick didn’t fight it. Instead, he turned around, kissed his fiancé and slept peacefully.

 

 

“Are you happy?”

Dick looked up from the cup of tea he had been staring into for a while, consumed by thoughts he couldn’t leave behind. Any conversation regarding the wedding seemed to do that to him. And now, Barbara was staring at him like he was a problem she needed to solve, her eyes inquisitive, making it hard for him to not squirm in his chair.

“Dick, what’s going on?” the redhead asked and Dick shook his head.

“Everything is okay, Babs. Seriously. I’m happy,” he assured, putting on his best smile.

The former Batgirl, however, was not convinced as her lips turned into a frown. Reaching forward, she covered Dick’s hand with hers, squeezing gently as if he were a toy on the verge of breaking. “You’ve pretty much dreamed of finding the one and settling down your whole life so why aren’t you smiling like you’re on top of the world?” And Dick just didn’t know how to answer that.

What Barbara said was true but Dick had done everything he could to hide how he was feeling. The thoughts that ran through his head, the whispers he tried his best to ignore, they all came from his own insecurities, his self -doubt. The last thing he wanted was for Jason to find out, for him to be burdened by something so trivial.

 “Is it Jason?” Barbara asked and instinctively, Dick pulled back his hand.

 “No. No. It’s not him. Jason has been nothing but caring during this whole time. Whatever’s happening, it’s my fault,” Dick said, hurriedly, the worst of his fears threatening to come to life.

When Jason and Dick had initially started dating, it wasn’t easy for the family to accept this new relationship. Even if the two men were happy with each other, everyone around them expected them to crash and burn because they didn’t think the Red Hood had the emotional depth needed to keep someone in his life, to love without ruining the other. But that was only because they didn’t know Jason, they couldn’t see how much he cared not just for Dick but for his own family. They didn’t see the man who read Jane Austen before bed and painted during his free time, the man who volunteered at shelters and taught football to kids in the Bowery whenever he had the chance.

When push came to shove, it was easier for everyone to assume that Jason did something wrong rather than to accept that sometimes, Dick was a mess, that there were times when he didn’t know how to deal with his emotions and he couldn’t be as perfect as people wanted him to be.

_“It doesn’t matter what people say, pretty bird. Only what you think of me matters and as long as you tell me you love me every night, the rest of the world can fuck off.”_

“I’m sorry for assuming,” Barbara said and then smiled at Dick. “You know, maybe you should bring Jason along the next time we meet for lunch. It’s been a long time and I would really like to get to know him all over again.”

_‘The way you know him’_ was left unsaid but her gesture warmed Dick’s heart because all these years, this is what he wanted, for people to see Jason the way he did.

“Will do, Babs.” He grinned.

“Good. Now smile, Boy Wonder because you’re going to get married and we have a lot of work to do.”

 

 

Inhale. Exhale.

Dick repeated those words in his head over and over as he stared at the wall, willing himself not to burst into tears. With every day that passed, the wedding date got closer and Dick’s insecurities seemed to double. The worries he could ignore by jumping into work now gnawed at him and he couldn’t concentrate on anything but them. God, he wanted nothing more than to be married to the man he loved but he feared nothing more than that marriage ending in tears and heartbreak.

Suddenly, Jason shifted, the bed dipping as he moved to put his arm around Dick and pull him into his chest. “Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?” he asked.

All this while, with his back turned towards the younger Dick had been pretending to sleep, knowing that it wouldn’t take Jason long to see through his act. But he had kept quiet, giving Dick the chance to speak up but the older never took the opportunity.

Taking in a shaky breath, Dick intertwined his fingers with Jason’s and resisted the urge to curl up into a ball. “I’m scared,” he admitted the words he had sworn he would never let the younger know. “You’re so perfect, so amazing and I just don’t understand why you’re with me. I know we’ve had this discussion a million times and that I shouldn’t even have such thoughts, let alone be bothered by them but I’m scared, Jay. I really am.”

Jason gently tugged at Dick’s shoulder, making the older turn around and face him. “Are we moving too fast for you?” he gently asked. “Do you want to push back the wedding?”

“What? No. No. That’s not what I’m scared of. God, no. I want to marry you. I really do.” Dick assured, eyes wide at the implication.

“Then what is it?”

“…I’m scared you’ll finally see that you can do better than me, that you’ll leave,” he answered, averting his eyes, ashamed of his thoughts.

Jason smiled as he pushed back Dick’s hair and placed a kiss on his forehead. “You really are a fool, _Richard.”_

“Hey!”

A chuckle escaped the younger’s lips and he pulled Dick into a hug, resting his chin on the acrobat’s head. “Dickie, in all the years that I have known you, my feelings for you have only gotten stronger. Every side of you, the good and the bad, I love it and I wouldn’t change what we have for anything in the world because you are it for me. You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and always will be,” he whispered and Dick smiled, eyes glassy.

“Honestly, what did I do to deserve you?”

“Something pretty fucking good because I gotta say, I am amazing.” Jason grinned.

With a smile and a kiss, every worry was forgotten. Tomorrow, those insecurities would be back again, whispers making Dick doubt everything but when the time came, he would have Jason’s words, his love to lean on. Over the years, the younger had given him assurance every time he had broken down and when history attempted to repeat itself, Dick had held onto every word spoken to lift his spirits, making him strength when his mind became his enemy.

_“I am hellfire and you’re the raging wing. Together, we can only burn down the world and there’s something so beautiful about that.”_

And until such a day came, Dick would cherish every second he had with the man he loved.

 

 

“Are you ready?”

Dick turned away from the mirror he was standing in front and looked at Bruce. Many years ago, when his world had fallen apart, Bruce had given him a second chance, giving him a family when he thought he would never have one. The two of them had been through hell and back, fighting one another and fighting together. And now, here they were, Bruce dressed in a suit, ready to walk Dick down the aisle.

Taking a deep breath, Dick nodded and linked his arm with Bruce’s. “Catch me if I fall?” he asked, nervous as the doors opened.

Bruce smiled. “Always.”

Whatever fears, whatever doubts Dick had, they all seemed to disappear as he walked down the aisle, his eyes landing on Jason who stood on the other end. The faces of his friends and family were blur because all he could see was the man he loved, the love in his eyes and the smile on his face as if today was the best day of his life. Maybe it was and maybe, Dick was everything he needed after all.

_“Don’t you dare stand there and tell me I could do better, that I deserve better because I love you, Jason Peter Todd and as long as I am breathing, you will always be the one for me.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing smut so I'm sorry if it's bad '-'
> 
> As for the story itself, sorry if some of the characters seemed a bit OOC. This was something I wanted to write for a while and the discussion in the jaydick server just really made me want to finish this. Let me know what you think?


End file.
